looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
