so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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