hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
