How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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