I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
