how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
