i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
