I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
