you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
