Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
