I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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