I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
