I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
