The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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