i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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