you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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