walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
