I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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