Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
