Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
