so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
