Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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