Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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