Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
