That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
