are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
