What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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