after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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