Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
