I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
