"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
