She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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