I wish my penis had an off switch
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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