Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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