I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize