I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
