I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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