i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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