I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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