My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
