If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
