i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
