Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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