if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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