I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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