i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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