Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
