We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
