cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
