My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize