my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
