Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
