My first STD was from a foam party
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
