oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
