me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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