My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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