I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
