I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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