I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
