What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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