Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
