I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
