Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
