If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
