So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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