The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You don't make any sense
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