How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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