Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
