I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
