Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
