i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
