listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
