This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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