The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
