thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
